Vodka for the holidays

An old joke:

With the holidays coming, here's a fruit cake recipe that will help take the
stress out of this normally stressful time.

Ingredients:
1 cup of water
1 cup of sugar
4 large eggs
2 cups dried fruit
1 tsp. salt
1 cup brown sugar
3 ounces lemon juice
1 cup of nuts
1 gallon of Absolute Vodka

First, sample the vodka to check for freshness.
Take a large bowl.
Check the vodka again to be sure it is of the highest quality.
Pour 1 level cup of the vodka and drink it.
Repeat.
Repeat again.
Turn on the electric mixer, beat 1 cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add water, eggs and 1 tsp. sugar and beat again.
Make surr the vodca is still OK. Cry another tup. Turn off mixers.
Chuck in the cup of dried fruitt or something.
Mix on the turner.
If the fried druit gets struck on the beaterers, pry it loose with a
drewscriver.
Sample the vodka to check for tonsistancity.
Next, sniff 2 cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the vodka.
Now sniff the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one Table. Spoon.
Of sugar or something. Whatever.
Grease the oven.
Turn the cake ttin 350 degrees.
Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Whip the bowl out the window.
Check the vidka again.
Go to bed.