Tuesday, March 11, 2003

The world cup scene

Reminds me of all those martial arts / boxing movies: you see the hero progressing steadily through the initial rounds of the kickboxing championship. Workmanlike, with a few hiccups here and there, he defeats all his opponents. Takes in a few blows, but throws knockout punches which leave them on the mat.

On the other hand, you see the tough-as-nails villain who demolishes all, in his way to the top. He is never down and out - just goes in and vanquishes all those in sight. The villain looks indomitable, unsurpassable, unbeatable. He trains better than the hero, has the best equipment, the best body, the best coaches.

You know that he can easily beat the hero to a pulp, but you also know that this being a movie, the hero will triumph in the end. Even though in your heart of hearts, you acknowledge the villain had the better game.

3 comments:

  1. heh heh heh heh.

    This was funny!

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  2. Ah! but in the world cup no one says...."Master, teach me Kung Fu"

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  3. Ah, but the World Cup is not scripted like the movies. (Then again, who can say?)

    [chinese movie script]

    (imagine terrible accents)

    Villain 1: Damn you! Don't you know who I am? Me and my friends... we'll kill you!

    Hero: You're no match for my Monkey Penis style.

    Hero's useless lackey: But master, he knows Flying Lizard style Kung Fu!

    Hero: Huh? (alarmed) Flying Lizard? Only three people know that style! You must be Lao Wu.

    Villain 1: That's right. I am Lao Wu, son of master Lao Peng. And today, you die!

    [flapping of clothing as both men prepare for fighting]

    [lots of punches, kickes and blocks later, our hero is hit in quite a few places]

    Lackey: Master, master! He's too strong!

    Hero: (wiping off blood from mouth) No, I can beat him.

    [more kicks later, the hero is bleeding even more]

    Hero: (thinking) How can I get past his screeching claw defence?

    [Hero suddenly remembers words of his Master]

    (Master Wong: Son, the Flying Lizard style is deadly. There is only one known defence for it. And I will disclose the secret to you, my best pupil. Are you ready?

    Hero: Yes, master.

    Master Wong: The secret... is... when he attacks with the Lizard Claws, you counterattack with...

    Hero: Yes master?

    Master Wong: ...with... (cough, cough) I'm dying

    Hero: Master, tell me the secret

    Master Wong: (cough) you counterattack with an...

    ... atomic wedgie!

    This will blind him temporarily and leave him confused, and you can use the Dragon Farts style to kill him.

    [end flashback sequence]


    Hero: Master Wong, I will honour your memory!

    Kiaaaaawaaah!

    Villain: What's this? I can't see!

    Hero: And now, Lao Wu, you die. This is the killer Dragon Farts. I shall avenge the death of my family.

    [turns around and lets him have it from one barrel]

    Lao Wu, Villain: Ugh! Cough, cough. No please, I beg you. Save me!

    Hero: No mercy!

    [turns around and walks away]

    [Villain croaks to death]



    Maybe India will find a secret Atomic Wedgie in the final...
    ;)

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