I am so honest, so thoroughly square;
Eternally noble, historically fair.
Who, when you win, will always give your back a pat.
Why can't everyone be like that?
Why does every one do
what the others do?
Can't a person learn to use their head?
Why do they do everything their parents do?
Why don't they grow up, well, like me instead?
Why can't my friends take after me?
I am so pleasant, so easy to please.
Whenever you're with me, you're always at ease.
One day in a million I may shout a bit.
Now and then, I might show slight defects.
My truthfulness you might perhaps doubt a bit,
But by and large I am a marvelous man!
Why can't everyone take after me?
'Cause I am so friendly, good-natured and kind.
A better companion you never will find.
I am so decent, such a regular chap;
Ready to help you through any mishap;
Ready to buck you up whenever you're glum.
Why can't my friend be a chum?
Why is thinking something others never do?
And why is logic never even tried?
Complaining about everything is all they ever do.
Why don't they fix the mess that they made?
Why can't everyone behave more like me?
Why can't everyone be like me?
(thanks to Henry Higgins for the inspiration)
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